Drippings out of my brain

I just looked at my page view count for today. 8 people looked at my blog, yesterday 7 or something. People actually are interested in what I have to say, impressive!

So, here I am thinking, wrestling with my thoughts, working certain issues out here. So here are just some random stuff that I have been thinking about. And now the world of the internet is going to see a little bit into this.

Earlier tonight I went into CVS. I asked where the razors are and bubble bath. (OK, like men never taken a bubble bath before, but anyway...) Before you think that I have gone off the deep end, let me explain. When I was in the hospital they were talking about ways to relax and taking a bubble bath was one of them. And they encouraged the men in the group not to knock it. So I tried it once or twice and did find it quite relaxing.

With that said, let me get back to my story. I could tell that the employee was controlling herself trying not to laugh at this very unshaven rugged guy asking where the bubble bath was. She did a good job at not laughing, but still. And no, I did not buy any bubble bath at all. All that they had was too flowery and too girly. I am a man afterall. 

So this leads up to my question. Are there specific things that men and women should not do and vica versa? Should a man get a manicure or pedicure? Should a woman do "man's" work? And when I say mans work, I  mean like heavy lifting, working as construction worker on the street, etc. I am probably opening pandora's box here. This is not meant in any way, shape or form to be bashing of either gender. I am just trying to understand things better on both ends.

Comments are welcome, but no bashing please. Now that I am publishing this blog, I am gonna hide! :o

Sincerely yours,

Mike

The Weekend

It seems that I am very quick to fall back into old patterns. Oh well, tomorrow is always a new day. People who get excited really unnerve me. It doesn't matter if it is a cheerful excitement or if it is aggressive, it just makes me jumpy and I do not understand it at all.

I finally got the letter via email that I was waiting for from my old insurance company indicating benefits have stopped. I needed this letter so that I can go into the next phase of my life. I didn't get the room that I applied for a couple of weeks ago either. This is quite ok though, I really believe that particular room wasn't God's will and I am really at peace about the decision.

Meanwhile I continue my ever ending task of decluttering my room. I am getting there, slowly but surely. One day I will be on top of it.

Well, this is a pretty boring blog entry, but just needed to put some thoughts to screen. Next week is a brand  new week!

Blessings,

Mike

Good morning everyone. 

I just got out of the hospital yesterday.

  This time it was a much more "interesting experience!"

 This time I got much more out of it than  previous admissions.

 Things have finally "clicked" for me. 

I need to take ALL of my medications daily and as prescribed. 

I need to eat 3 times a day whether I want to or not, and I need regular sleep.

 This was all explained to me in a way that I never heard before and made sense. 

Basically if I don't do this then it is an EPIC FAIL! 

Well That's my revelation in a nutshell.

Things are not as bad as I thought and I DO have control over certain feelings.

Blessings,

Mike

GOD's PLAN VS. MY STRUGGLE

GOD's PLAN VS. MY STRUGGLE

OK, so here is my testimony, God has a plan for my life. When I was only 16, 2 people that didn't know each other had the same word of knowledge for me that I was being called to "The ministry." Now, at the time I did not know what that meant, and truthfully now I still really don't. However I do have a slightly better idea what that might be.

Then there is my present situation which is just quite bizarre. I had surgery back in September that pretty much put me on the disabled list for 6 months. Then my mom died in November. I also have had to move a few times as well.

Presently, I have applied for disability for mental health reasons. While I still believe God has a plan, my mind likes to tell me otherwise. :o 

All that I know is that my life is in transition now and I still deal with anxiety and depression much more now than I ever have in the past. Pray for me, while I know I will make it to the other side of this illness ok, it is still a constant battle at the moment.

Thank you for reading!

Mike

God Knows Our Needs

Last week I was very low on cash, so low in fact that I took my slush fund (read all of my loose change) and went down to Coinstar to cash them in. While in this process at one point the coin machine froze up! I was hitting different buttons but it wasn't doing anything! Finally it printed my receipt, good for Xbox, not redeemable for cash! 

I talked to the manager but they said that there was nothing that they could do and gave me a phone number to call. The phone number turned out be out of service! It was a good thing that I still had some coins left over after the machine froze. I had $10 to last me a week! I was in tough shape because my weekly T-pass for public transportation is $18, and it costs $2.00 per ride each way otherwise. That adds up really quickly!

Then later that day knowing God was in control, but still mad about the whole ordeal, I was picking something up being offered from Freecycle. The bus driver missed my stop and I ended up having to walk 4 extra blocks as a result. I finally picked up my item, still upset and was fortunate to catch the bus back to the train station.

At the train station I was checking my email and a good friend of mine emailed me stating that God told them to give me $100! I was ecstatic with then feeling very humbled and also knowing that God knows our needs, even when we think that things look bad! I am very thankful to both Jesus and my friend for listening to God's ear too!

Here is a couple of other details, last Sunday I only had $2.00 in my pocket. Fully knowing that this was gonna create a burden, I gave the very little that I had in the offering anyway. There is also a homeless woman who I occasionally pass by that I give a little something to every now again as well. I always walk away thinking that I didn't do nearly enough, but I digress!

My point is God knows all of our needs before we do, and if we only trust in Him, he will take care of it. This money helped me get the public transportation pass that I needed, pay for my medications. And even covered an unexpected debit payment that I owed someone. Had that money not come through, I would have overdrafted! So, as you can see, my friends obedience and faithfulness went a real long way!  

Loneliness

I guess that its no secret that I get lonely at times, I guess that we all do. I also get filled with anxiety on occasion, almost daily also. I've been told that I need a girlfriend. While that is nice and would be desirable, I really do not see that as the answer to this problem. Also, with everything going on in my life, it is doubtful that I could fulfill the role of an effective boyfriend either.

Now don't get me wrong, I do have a lot to offer. Its just that I also got a real lot of "stuff" going on too. My relationship with God is lacking and needs vast improving. I would like to get married someday and hopefully one day that will happen. Until then I will enjoy the vast friendships that I have made through the years and work on being a better friend with the people who I already know, both online and offline. 

Truth be told, I really need to work on my face to face time with people. This is an area that I am much lacking and could and can much improve on.

Now that I got that off my chest, I feel better. I think that blogging is therapeutic for me.

Mike 

New Beginnings

Hello again, I finished the partial program today. It is an intense program, but I made it through. They give you a plethora of information. If you can hinge on a just a few of the ideas that they teach you then you are doing good! My fear is relapse, but the team there seem confident that I will be ok and also they know that I know what to do if things do not go nearly as well as planned also. So I made it through.

I have more than a few appointments next week including a test, which will be the precurser to getting surgery. If it all goes well then I will be having surgery the week after next. I anxiously am anticipating getting the Ostomy reversed. I am not looking forward to being in the hospital or the pain again though. At least it will be a stepping stone.

I have many challenges and changes on my way this year as well. We'll see how it all works out. Its in God's hands!

Mike

Monday Monday, there's just something about that day as the Mama's and Papa's sang. :o 

Today was actually a good day for the most part. My anxiety went down by mid afternoon. I did come to a realization that maybe the anxiety might never go away. Therefore I just have to find ways to cope and manage it. That's not easy, it is the fear of tomorrow among other things that frighten me. But I have a trusted  hope in Jesus who will sustain me. The big question is do I really believe it? He hasn't let me down this far and yet I still doubt!

Today is also my brother's birthday, so Happy Birthday to him!

Which brings me to another topic, radio in Boston. Right now as I type, 96.9 is doing what they call in the radio business stunting. This is no regular stunt though. Since last Wednesday they have gone with at least 4 different temporary or "fake" formats. They have been Power 96.9 (R&B or Top 40), Nova 96.9 (Electronic Dance Music), 96.9 Mike-FM (Variety Hits) and now most recently 96.9 The Bone! (Classic Rock.)

I was kinda hoping that they stuck with the Mike-FM format. Not only because it is named after me (lol,) but because it was also quite good! I really do not care for the "The Bone" nickname for obvious reasons. San Francisco has or at least had a radio station of the same name. The buzz on the radio boards is that they will most likely end up being called "Hot 96.9" with a format yet to be revealed. Chances are that it will be Classic R&B in nature based on who they have hired for the station. Truth be told, I hope that they get over with it and just do the final format as all these fake format flips is getting old!

Thats all for now, more latter!

Mike

A New Year, Time to start reblogging!

A year of reflection. During this past year, there has been many trials: my mom died, I went from a temp to a full time job, had surgery, lost the job as result, and moved twice! Not to mention numerous trips to the ER for chest and stomach pain with half the time getting admitted. All this led to a major depression in me, which led to a couple of additional hospitalizations as well.

As I type, I am in a partial (mental health) day program. While it has been helpful, its been intense. One of the things that has been hard for me is accepting the feelings that I have about things. This as a result according to my therapist is causing my anxiety and fear.

Right now I am blessed to have the help and support that I need and I am doing ok. I had diverticulitis which I had surgery for a colostomy back in September. I am do to have this surgery reversed in less than a month from now. I am actually looking forward to having the colostomy reversed!

Not much else happening, but just thought I'd update you all on this. Happy New Year and hope to be regularly updating you all soon!

Be well!

Mike